「徹徹底底的跌低，然後─徹徹底底的的爬起來。迫令自己走到非常無力這一步，其實只能責怪自己。『往往對成敗 得失的過分重視』，『對所謂完美的執著』，『永遠對自己的嚴苛和千挑萬剔』，『過分看重別人對自己的看法』，『過分努力成為別人眼中卓越的自己』，都一步 步危險地把我推擠到『徹底失去自己』。更哀傷的是，我已嚴重失去快樂的本質。」

「……我擁有其他人沒有的東西，心靈卻很空虛，生命中有一處黑色，很空蕩，當很多負面思想湧現，慾望卻大到幾多都覺得未夠，我對生命不切實際的追求，長期希望的優秀卓越，令到自己的壓力很大、很辛苦，這是極之錯的價值觀，認為只有錢可以給予安全感，愈無自信就要靠這些東西去包裝，不停希望得到萬千寵愛。上帝將那處黑暗填補，從那時才看到自己的渺小，令我學懂了謙卑，懂得看世界看別人，人與人之間相處變得容易，拉近了距離（那種無力及恐懼，是來自寂寞嗎？）不是寂寞，而是絕望，寂寞很容易解決，但絕望很黑暗，我每天起來都像有道牆在眼前，無論怎樣都打不破，這樣維持了一段長時間，拍完《長恨歌》後，我絕望到交自己給上帝，miracle就發生。這個經歷很好，因為上帝衡量過每個人，知道我承受得到，（你是鄭秀文，什麼都擁有過，賺的錢足以令你沒有生活負擔，才可以這樣豁達。）每個人的case不同，我也認識很多壯健而無權無勢的人，他們活得自在，不會為不夠別人優秀而自卑，聽到很感動，因為他們不是活在別人的目光中，而是活在神的眼裏，好美麗。」

Sammi 感謝這場憂鬱，覺得絕對「值得」，對於苦難有新的體會，經歷令她有個美好的重生。

賠償片商200萬 鄭秀文自揭抑鬱症經歷 － 明周第2146期封面故事

患上抑鬱症期間，鄭秀文關閉自己在家中三年多，與世隔絕，不願說話，也不願與人接觸。但當她獨自面對那「無人能觸及的荒漠」時，卻畫上近百幅 (本人認為) 很有深度的畫。

也許，creativity 跟 suffering 真的是有關連的。

若然人生跌進了憂鬱的低谷，也是值得的，因為那正是上帝拆毀重建的開始。

誰能漫天風雪學抬頭　面向最崎嶇山丘
沿路鼻酸可否伸手牽你手
如若學謙卑再學回頭　是你說我可得救
可我相信未必可白頭

前路直通天國別回頭　越過最崎嶇山丘
這天願將身心交託於你手
誰曾在伊甸裡面迷途　在這天十指緊扣
心意歸向你　服從愛你　就有歸家的福氣
等到審判那珍貴日期

望著別人在嘆氣　聽到天使頌讚美

我們曾聽聞在墨西哥，墳場的設計是很特別的。墨西哥的墳場，分為前後兩個區域。前面區域的進口，門檻上面寫：「死人的墳墓」。這個很容易理解。不過，墳場 的後面再有另一個區域，用另一面牆分隔開來，上面寫：「真正死了的人的墳墓」。究竟這前、後兩個部份有甚麼分別？原來有這樣的一個規定：如果一個人死了， 就會把他∕她的屍骨埋葬在前面的區域——「死人的墳墓」。但是，如果那管理墳場的人發現，某一個墳墓連續五年以上沒有人去看過、拜祭過、打掃過，就會把骸 骨搬到後面的那個區域——「真正死了的人的墳墓」。我覺得這種規矩和安排有很深長的意思：只要仍然有人記得起你，你在其他活着的人的生命中仍然留有痕跡的 話，你是未死的。那些活著只為自己的人，從來沒有對他人的生命付出過、留下痕跡，才是「真正的死了」。

是網頁結束、我們在天家再見的時候了！– 溫偉耀、溫葉麗芬

Eddie Van Halen

最近彈結他發覺自己 “hit a brick wall”，想再快也快不了，因為手指不能協調。Youtube 上的結他老師都教導，想要衝破那 “speed limit” 的話，必須要回到最慢開始。要由極慢的 40 bpm 起，彈一個 scale 要彈到連續四次完全沒有錯，才能慢慢加快到 45 bpm, 50 bpm, 55bpm…… 如此類推。這些練習，其實是要在你的 muscle memory 和腦袋的 neural network 裡從新 program 過一些新的網絡和記憶，使到那變成「自動波」，才能在極速的時候操縱自如。

我已故的老師 Randy Pausch 討論美式足球的訓練時曾說過：”Fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals. You’ve got to get the fundamentals down because otherwise the fancy stuff isn’t going to work.” 好友 Vivien 也在紙藝手工的世界裡發現這不變的道理：『再勁的創意背後若沒有穩打穩紮的基本功也是無用。而基本功的鍛鍊來自不斷重覆又重覆那看似「一模一樣」的動作。』

人生每一樣東西，其實都需要打好基本功才能有昇華的可能性。

我們擁有的每一樣技能，每一個角色身份，打好基本功未？

可能這是我們甚少答和甚少思想的問題。

那做基督徒的基本功是甚麼？真的沒有那一節聖經比這句更能突顯基督徒生命的精髓。

「親愛的弟兄阿，你們卻要在至聖的真道上造就自己，在聖靈裡禱告，保守自己常在神的愛中，仰望我們主耶穌基督的憐憫，直到永生。」(猶 20-21)

1. Keep learning and growing in faith and holiness, and do that in a community of faith (because the verb “to build up” is in plural)
2. Keep praying in the Spirit
3. Keep dwelling in God’s love and resist anything that does not let you
4. Keep having hope in the mercy of Christ

當你感到自己屬靈生命停濟不前的時候，試試回到這些基本功吧。

說真的，不用多想了，沒有別樣的。也沒有捷徑能夠繞過這些基本不過的東西。

基本功就是基本功。

“Similarly, thousands of people plant little round bulbs in the fall, but they don’t say they are planting small roots or little balls–they say they are planting tulips! People who plant don’t look at what they see. They look forward to what will emerge.”

“Jesus expressed this perspective of emerging when he compared the Kingdom of heaven to a mustard seed and to leaven (Matt. 13:31, 33). In both similes the emphasis is not on what is but on what can be. We must recognize that the potential will not simply pop into existence; future maturity begins with present immaturity.”

Charles Van Engen, God’s Missionary People: Rethinking the Purpose of the Local Church, (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1991), 25-6.

The hardest thing anyone has to learn in life is to be willing to put down one’s judgment based on the past, be able to see through the present failures, and see the hope and potential transformation that is about to come in the future. When you love someone, that’s what you see. And that’s also what Jesus saw in the people he loved.

太多次聽見說話不經大腦的人，一句「我講說話好直」，便好像 make 了 disclaimer，拿了免死金牌似的到處得罪人，but sorry，閣下說話好直是閣下的事，老娘為何不可以介意?

…… 與口沒遮攔的人交往是很累人的，面紅耳赤不懂反應那人往往是我，你不顧體面我卻要顧，一肚氣還得搬台梯子來好讓大家下台，你說辛苦不？

沉默是金 by Agnes Man

Engineering 出身的我，諗嘢時常都好似律師咁，會好仔細，想覆蓋全面，但係講嘢就會常犯呢個錯誤。

對，講說話要事先聲明，即係驚人地會誤會。

咁點解人地會咁容易誤會呢？

一係自己表達能力有問題，冇好好用過個腦事先諗吓對方感受，點樣講先夠圓滑體面。

二係無論好意或唔好意，你都明知自己講說話有骨，但係你又好想銳落去人地度，並且期望別人照單全收，又唔想人地反駁你。聽者若要反駁，就即係 deny 緊你所事先聲明嘅本性或性格，變相成為佢得罪你。咁樣逼著利用別人嘅體諒嚟成全自己苦毒嘅意思，仲唔係來自那惡者？

所以耶穌講得啱：「是，就說是；不是，就說不是；若再多說，就是出於那惡者。」(太5:37)

每次開口前都要緊記。

Set your alarms now. Give earth a break. It’s the Earth Hour.

YOU can make a difference, when WE do it together.

Youtube video – Earth Hour 2009

Click here to watch the short video:
NFL Films presents: Randy Pausch

“Fundamentals. Fundamentals. Fundamentals. You’ve got to get the fundamentals down because otherwise the fancy stuff isn’t going to work“, says Randy Pausch.

This is one line that is worth remembering for the rest of my life. Too many times I dream of doing all the up-in-the-sky fancy stuff without going through the hard basics, whether it’s practicing music, exercising, or doing daily devotionals.

I like how NFL edited this video from Randy’s Last Lecture, interspersed with mad football coaches yelling at the top of their lungs next to the players. Talking about the football coach who rode him pretty hard when he was young, Randy thinks it’s actually a good thing. He said, “when you’re screwing up and nobody’s saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up.”

This is what I mean by “hard discipline (硬功)“. I do believe in order to unleash our given potential and achieve things we wouldn’t regret once we attain it, it requires going through experiences we don’t necessarily feel comfortable in it. When our generation is becoming less and less tough and more and more touchy, how are we ever going to achieve our dreams?

Related posts:

1. the brick walls are there for a reason…
2. Fight till you die
3. 基本功

1967年，邵逸夫爵士年屆60歲時才創立無線電視。

2007年，英國搖滾樂隊 Queen 結他手 Brian May 為求完成他入樂壇前的學業，於年屆60歲時寫完他的物理博士論文，成功取得 Imperial College London 的 PhD。 (論文題目為 A Survey of Radial Velocities in the Zodiacal Dust Cloud，絕對係堅嘢，唔係嗰啲所謂榮譽博士)

2009年，吾父也於年屆68歲時完成他的心願，延續爺爺的六角號碼發明，寫成世界首本計有六千漢字的六角號碼常用字字典。

我的夢想也是有朝一日能夠：

1. 建立一間有生命力的教會，在那裡有效地傳講神的話。
2. 有能力的話，繼續讀上去。（暫時我是覺得自己沒有能力的）
3. 出書，將我生命的反思和整合留下。

希望不用等到60歲才能實現吧。
就算要等到60歲也不應覺得無可能。
因為60歲根本還很年輕。
可能到時醫學水平能夠使人類平均壽命延長至90歲或以上。

你有什麼夢想嗎？
你預期你60歲時將會做什麼呢？
60歲以後，可能還有30年給你打滾，請勿那麼早想著退休吧！

Kudos to my most respected teacher.

Links:
Randy Pausch’s homepage.
The Last Lecture – his memoir on the best-selling list of Amazon.
His charge to graduates during the Carnegie Mellon Commencement on May 18, 2008.

Related posts:

1. the brick walls are there for a reason…
2. Life Lessons Learnt From Football
3. Visualizing the Bible

Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer, gave his last lecture at the university Sept. 18, 2007, before a packed McConomy Auditorium. In his moving talk, “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams,” Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals.

Dr. Randy Pausch is my favourite professor in CMU. When I was in my fourth year in university, I was very fortunate to be able to take one of most pioneering, most fun, and most challenging courses ever – an interdisciplinary course that involved computer scientists, engineers, artists, dramatists, designers, and musicians, to create virtual reality environments every 2 weeks. We designed games that used head-mounted displays and data-gloves to create a total immersion experience in animated 3D environments. The last and biggest project I was involved in was called “Godzilla“, where the user can roam across the land in Godzilla’s perspective, using a data-”blow” device to flame buildings and wreak havoc in downtown Pittsburgh. (It’s a bit violent, but it’s really fun!)

Randy not only taught us how to make a 3D game in 2 weeks. He also taught us a lot of important life lessons.  Throughout the semester, we created about 5 to 6 virtual worlds in a row. Everytime he shuffled us into different groups. He wanted to stretch our capabilities to work with different people of different backgrounds. So all of us who barely know each other, had to quickly sit down, ice-break, brainstorm, roll our sleeves, and be united in one spirit to create an impressible virtual world every 2 weeks, because no matter how much each of us contributed to the project, we would all receive the same grade. We all win or we all lose at the same time. There’s no room for individualism. And after every 2 week project is finished, we’d be given evaluation forms to evaluate each and every other member in the group. We were to write 3 strengths and 3 things to improve on about our fellow members. Then Randy would collect all the evaluation forms and keep them safe. At the end of the semester and during the last class, he would give us back our evalution forms all at the same time. It’s a really amazing exercise. When you receive and read 30 personal evaluation forms all at once, you’d see an overwhelming voice affirming your strengths, which is very encouraging, but you’d also receive an unanimous agreement in pointing out your weaknesses, which is hardly deniable. I loved this way of receiving feedback. Randy not only taught us team work, he also taught us to always remember affirming other people’s strengths and to love them enough to help them improve on their weaknesses. It’s the most valuable lesson I have learned when I was in university. Knowledge fades away easily, but widsom in life remains. I’m still inspired by many of his quotes and his overall attitude to life presented in his last lecture. He is truly a great educator, someone I have learned very valuable life lessons from. It’s hard to see him leave us so soon.

P.S. His entire lecture can be watched from here. Listening to a person’s last words can be one of the most worthwhile 85 mins you can ever spend.

P.P.S. He’s also famous for gaving practical tips on time mangement, team work, and writing.

Related posts:

1. Fight till you die
2. Life Lessons Learnt From Football